


Only The Pain You Want

by Wallwalker



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Accidental Aphrodisiac Use, Anal Sex, Desk Sex, Enthusiastic Consent, Licking, M/M, Morning After, Safer Sex, Secret Relationship, Sith Pureblood, Smut 4 Smut 2020, Star Wars: The Old Republic - Shadow of Revan, Unexpected feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23607100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: Theron goes to check up on Lord Wrath after an odd incident compels the Sith to lock himself away in his ship. He quickly finds out that the warrior's condition is a boon, at least for the right person... who happens to be him.
Relationships: Theron Shan/Male Sith Warrior
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76
Collections: Smut 4 Smut 2020





	Only The Pain You Want

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wednesday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesday/gifts).



He almost hadn't answered when Lana had sent him the private message. 

_Theron. Meet me by our mutual friend's ship, please. We need your help._

If they hadn't mentioned Totiuti, he wouldn't have done it. Last time he'd trusted her, he'd gotten himself captured for information, when he would've done the same thing for them if she'd just asked him to do it. Sure, he understood - and the fact that she'd apologized and even said _please_ that time had helped - but that didn't mean he wanted to be around her just then.

Still. Unlike Lana, the gigantic Sith warrior had always been honest with him. Scary, but honest. 

So he'd shown up, found her tapping away at a datapad outside of his ship. Nobody else was around, not even the Sith's own guards, which was... kind of weird already. 

"You're here," Lana says, looking up. "Good. I don't know how much time we have. We have a delicate situation involving Lord Wrath's rescue mission to the Massassi village." 

No time for small talk. It suited him. And he couldn't help but blink a bit at the use of the title - Theron knew that was his title to most of the Empire, but he had never once called him that. He probably still got his actual name wrong sometimes, but he tried. "Okay, I'll help if I can... what happened?" 

Lana was brisk as usual. "He and a group of Republic soldiers returned a few minutes ago. He immediately ordered his own men away and sequestered himself aboard his ship. The soldiers with him said that his medical supplies were depleted after the fight in the Massassi village, and he had suffered considerable trauma while driving off enough of the Massassi to release the soldiers from their cages. They scavenged in an attempt to assist, and their field medic found a potential substitute - a crude medkit in one of the village huts. He gave them permission to dose him, and the medicines did assist in healing his condition. However, they had unfortunate side effects."

" _How_ unfortunate?" Internally he added, _And why are you telling me this instead of someone with more than basic training in field medicine?_

"Not in the sense that he is unfit for combat, but in the sense that he is... too distracted to be very effective with it." She sighs, her exasperation finally showing. "Apparently the healing properties have been shadowed by its properties as a strong aphrodisiac." 

"...Oh. Well, that answers that question," he said, pressing one hand against his forehead. 

"I beg your pardon, Theron?" Lana asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Don't worry about it. Really." As if she hadn't guessed. She might not be able to read his mind - he'd let her try once when he'd been drunk and stupid - but she usually didn't need to. "So, I'm guessing he asked you to... to find me, and...?" 

"He hasn't mentioned you, actually. I suspect that he is ambivalent about letting you see him in this state. But I believe that he will appreciate the offer, at least. You needn't do more than that." 

"Does the rest of the camp know about this?" he asks, mostly to hide the embarrassment by trying to stay off that particular topic. 

"No. There is no need to inform Darth Marr and the other Imperials if this does not last for an extended period. The soldiers from the Republic who accompanied him have sworn to say nothing. Both because they owe him their lives, and because they are complicit in his current state of mind." 

"So you're just hoping he can ride this one out," he said, regretting it as soon as the words were out of his mouth. She smirked - only _just_ \- but he definitely saw the change of expression. If he wasn't blushing before he certainly was now. "Okay, okay. As long as he's not completely out of his mind, I'll talk to him."

"Oh, he's quite lucid. Distracted, but lucid. When I left him he was attempting to meditate, but not successfully." She glanced down at her datapad. "His crew is currently busy with other duties. No one else will disturb you. I can assure that much."

"Thanks," he deadpanned. He had no idea what was going on in her head. He'd started to trust her, just a little, before all of this happened, and now... he kept thinking about the torture. Even Totiuti had seemed taken aback at the extent of the damage, when he'd insisted they take his ship to Rishi together - he'd thought he was going to try to seduce him then and there, but when he'd realized how bad the wounds were he'd changed the plans and insisted that he take a hot shower and rest in their medical room with some kolto patches, and was it weird that he had a _shower_ on such a small ship? A very closely rationed one, but still, rank had its privileges, clearly. 

He was getting sidetracked, and now Lana had started to walk off. He wondered what she'd say if he just turned around and left... but that wasn't really what he wanted to do, was it? Not like he and the Sith had gotten much of a chance to talk since they'd arrived on Yavin IV. Lana was right, maybe he'd appreciate it. He'd just... say hello. See how it went from there.

The ship's doors opened for him with barely a touch - Lana had obviously set that up somehow. He hoped that she'd been telling the truth about the rest of his crew. He hadn't exactly had a chance to talk to them, but at least two of them were Imperial officers and they had given him some _very_ strange looks. The Twi'lek had seemed friendly enough, though - she was the one who'd applied the kolto patches, probably because she was the friendly one. But as he walked through the ship it was clear that there wasn't anyone else around. "Hello? Totiuti?" he called quietly, stumbling slightly over the name. Sith was not an intuitive language _at all._ "You there? Um... it's me." 

"Theron?" He wouldn't have heard his voice if not for the auditory boosters. Thank goodness for implants. He seemed to pause, taking a breath, before going on, a bit more loudly. "You're... how did you... wait. Don't tell me. I believe I can guess." 

"Yeah, probably." He could locate the man now. Down the hall, in his quarters. Door sounded shut. He wondered if it'd open as easily. "Um. I don't know exactly what's going on, but... Lana thought you might appreciate some company?" 

A short bark of laughter. "She is not wrong," he said, "at least in regards to _your_ company. If you wish to stay, once you... once we've spoken of the matter." 

"Sure, we can talk. Um, should we open the door? Is that okay?"

"Yes... just a moment." 

One of the shut doors down the hallway slid open. Theron approached slowly, not walking in yet, just going to the doorway. 

The big warrior looked okay, anyway. He wasn't even on his bed - he was kneeling in the far corner of the room, head bowed. His armor was gone, replaced with long dark robes, his black hair falling over his shoulders. He looked up at Theron as he came within view, regarding him with gleaming red eyes, and unexpectedly smiled. "You've recovered well," he says, eyes flickering over his body briefly before finding their way back to his face. 

"Yeah, thanks to you." He put one hand to the back of his neck. Was he sweating? He was pretty sure he was sweating. Something smelled a bit odd in there. He couldn't quite place it, but it wasn't unpleasant. Maybe it was whatever kind of medpack they'd used. "Sorry for not coming by to chat earlier. It's been hectic. And awkward." 

"I understand. On both counts." He didn't move to get up, which was strange. Usually he enjoyed towering over Theron, or Lana, or most of the other people who happened to be around. Definitely a Sith thing. "Did she... how well did she explain the situation to you, exactly?" 

"Well, apparently they used some kind of Massassi medicine on you, and it turned out to be an aphrodisiac, so you're not exactly up to fighting right now. That's about it."

"She isn't wrong." He looks away - was he embarrassed? Really? He hadn't shown any sign of embarrassment the entire time he'd known him. "You may have noticed that Massassi have several common features with my people. They are not merely external. The medicine worked, because our physiology is similar. But along with the other, more traditional aphrodisiac properties, it obviously has a marked effect on our ability to sense pheromones." He took a deep breath, nostrils flaring. "Usually I... I can sense them from others who bear the red marks, not so much for those who do not, but right now... it is... hypersensitive. I can perceive enough from even baseline humans to sense their... distress. Among other things." 

"Right. Got it." Theron wasn't a fool - he was pretty sure he knew what he was getting at. "Am I too close? I can leave if you'd rather. I mean, I don't want to leave, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything." Wow. He was really striking out today. 

But if the Sith noticed his awkwardness, he left it alone, merely shaking his head. "I am no slave to my emotions, or my desires." He took another breath. "But... I do smell you, from now and from the voyage here. It would intoxicate me if I permitted it."

Theron's heart was definitely starting to race. He remembered very clearly what he'd been thinking when they'd boarded the ship on the way to Rishi, how whatever Totiuti was planning for the trip would probably hurt like hell because of the torture, and he still wanted it. Kriff, he still couldn't tell half the time if he was trying to be threatening or just turning out that way anyway, and frankly... he wasn't sure if he cared. Maybe he just liked getting himself into dangerous situations just to prove he could take it - okay, he thought, bad choice of words-

Totiuti was staring at him, eyes narrowed. "Your scent. It's... what are you thinking, Theron?" 

"You first," he said, quietly. "What is it you want?" 

The answer was barely above a whisper. "I want to drag you into this room, tear your clothes off, carry you to this desk and take you until both of us are utterly senseless." 

Oh, yeah. Instant erection. If it'd been much faster he would've probably passed out from blood loss. "I don't have a change of clothes," he said, mouth suddenly dry. "Mind if I just... take them off instead?" 

"What?" He straightened slightly, eyes widening in surprise. 

"I mean, I guess I could borrow something, but it wouldn't fit -"

"Wait. Stop." Totiuti held out one hand. The nails on that hand... they were practically talons, he thought, he'd probably have the worst scratch marks ever, it'd sting for days and that should not be turning him on as much as it was, should it? "Say it. Clearly. I need to hear you say you want it."

 _Thought it was obvious,_ he wanted to say, but thought better of it. He was trying to make sure he wasn't getting Theron into anything that he didn't want to get into, and that was already better than most of the Sith he knew. So instead he nodded, licking his lips to get them working again. "Yeah," he says. "I want you to do... to do that thing you just said." He couldn't quite bring himself to say it. 

"You want to... to couple with me, right now. Is that what you are saying? Yes or no, Theron!"

His voice was... not angry, but certainly more urgent than it had been when he'd first started talking. There was a trace of exasperation in it, and honestly, Theron didn't blame him. He didn't like it when his own embarrassment got in the way of him having a good time either. "Yeah," he said, nodding along to make it even clearer. He knew what he was doing and he appreciated it, as much as his body was screaming for him to get on with it already. "That is _exactly_ what I want." 

And then Totiuti was on his feet faster than Theron thought anyone that big could move, and even without the scary red armor he was still huge. Ridiculously, dangerously huge. He seemed to be holding himself back from pouncing as he took his first few steps. Theron was already walking into the room, taking off his jacket, carefully setting it down by the door as it slid shut. Fair was fair -

Totiuti had his arms around him almost immediately, grip tight, nails sharp even through the shirt, and he could see nearly every ridiculously sharp tooth in his mouth. Then one hand went to the back of his head, pulling his hair just enough to get his attention. Theron got the point, tilted his head back and then they were kissing as if neither of them had been touched in years. The smell was stronger now - the pheromones, he thought briefly, maybe whatever had gotten him into this state was making whatever he put off stronger. Maybe it was having an effect on him too, which might've worried him, if he hadn't already agreed to this. Either way he did not remember the last time anyone had kissed him like that, like wrecking him was the most important thing in the galaxy and they weren't going to stop until he was completely destroyed. 

"I don't know how long I can last," he managed to gasp at one point, between kisses. 

Totiuti grinned - and yes, those teeth were as sharp as they looked, Theron discovered as the Sith moved down to graze them over his neck. "We'll find out." He reaches down, cupping Theron's increasingly-desperate bulge through his pants. "Off. Now." 

"I got it," Theron managed, reaching down, opening the clasps quickly and pulling pants and briefs down in one motion. He picked up one foot, and Totiuti's grip tightened as he shifted his weight, trying to get them away as fast as possible. He was looking down at him hungrily, apparently liking what he was seeing, and then one very warm hand was wrapped around his hard cock and he moaned, couldn't help it. Even without any lubrication the touch felt amazing and he was already moving, thrusting into his hand, wanting more. 

Then suddenly his hand was gone and Theron couldn't help himself, he groaned, arching his hips out for more. "Wait," he hears Totiuti say - he's reaching into his robes, looking for something. "This. This will -"

"It's fine," Theron says, still thrusting at nothing as Totiuti does something with his hands. "It's fine, just keep going -" The hand wrapped around his member again, warm and slick this time, and whatever else he'd been about to say was just gone. He reached out, took a double handful of his robes for support as he just stopped thinking, hearing the Sith laugh delightedly as he kept moving, the two of them finally starting to synchronize their movements. 

His suspicions had been right; he didn't last long at all. One last pull and he was coming, cock still in Totiuti's hand, the hot fluid coming in spurts over the Sith's red stomach - wait, when had he opened his robes? He had no idea but it didn't matter, he didn't care, he just needed to finish - and then he did and he was already panting, his legs weak, his hands still gripping the robes as if he'd fall down if he let go. Which, he thought briefly, he just might. 

"Delicious," he heard the tall Sith whisper, which did kill any apologies forming in his mind. He opened his eyes, just enough to see him run his roughened red fingers over his own stomach, wetting them, and then slowly lifting them to his lips and licking them clean. That odd smell was definitely getting stronger, and Theron had absolutely _no_ complaints. "If we had more time I'd take you in my mouth and swallow every drop of you."

He did not know the word for the sound he made at that. "I am holding you to that," he manages. The robes fall down and he scrambles for purchase, hands moving to Totuiti's waist. He was wearing trunks, still, tight enough that Theron could see the outline of his bulge. The shape was familiar, if slightly more elaborate. Did these so-called Purebloods have ridges _everywhere?_ "Your turn."

"I am still ahead of you, Theron. This first." He shifted his clean - well, mostly-clean - hand up to tug at his shirt. 

"Right, fine..." Theron moves his hands away briefly to assist him, pulling the shirt above his head. 

He realizes his mistake with another shock of fear-laced arousal, as the Sith began to laugh quietly. "So much to taste," he said under his breath, and before Theron can drop the shirt or say anything he felt strong hands around his waist, and felt a rough tongue licking at his neck, slowly. He manages another ragged breath, the strokes of his tongue punctuated by the occasional bite, moving from neck to collarbone to nipple and back again in a long, slow circle. The shirt was still around one arm when he lowered them again, not caring as the massive Sith took his time with him, hands and mouth teasing him above his waist - it was quickly shucked away, an obstacle to be removed. The nails did scratch from time to time, and he knew the teeth were going to leave marks, but it was crystal clear to him that he was holding back, that he could've left him a bloody pile on the floor by then, and somehow the thought of that made it that much better. 

"Stars," he said breathlessly. "You're..." 

Totiuti is still laughing, scratching at his skin. "I have been wanting to do this since we met," he says. "You'll excuse me for having a great many fantasies to catch up on."

Oh, he was grinning from ear to ear at that point. The smell was so strong but he still couldn't place it. It was... it was _good,_ he felt amazing, so amazing he wasn't sure he cared whether or not that smell was changing his mind about any of this. "I would've... would've insisted you do this on the way off of Rishi if I'd known," he admitted. "Torture or no torture." 

"Mmmm. I like it better when you're whole. When the only pain you feel is the pain you want." 

And that made his heart just jump in his chest, and he's not sure if he's afraid or turned on, he had been in that perpetual state of both afraid and terrified since this began and he loved it. "Kriff, I want you," he said, the curse slipping out without any thought. "So much." 

"Then you'll have what you want," Totiuti said, picking him up easily. Theron didn't yelp, to his credit, but he definitely wasn't expecting it - he did have the presence of mind to grab the robe off of the floor. He figured it would come in handy on the desk. Totiuti caught on quickly, pulling something from the desk drawer before spreading out the robe. 

The desk was huge. "Do you - ah - get a lot of paperwork?" he asked, amused. "Didn't think it was in the job descrip-"

Totiuti stopped him with a kiss. Theron couldn't quite see what was in his hands, at first, but then again he was distracted, both by the kiss and by the fact that the tall Sith was finally pulling down his briefs. He was... well, Theron thought, he'd been right, they did have ridges everywhere. 

Totiuti followed his gaze, amused, reaching down with his free hand to stroke the dark red phallus. "Not more than you can take, I'm sure," he said, opening his other hand - Theron recognized the small case, then. At least he'd had the presence of mind to bring protection to a warzone. 

"Let me get ready and I'll prove it," he answered, shifting on the desk. "That... oil you had..."

Totiuti lifted his hand, reaching back, and the small bottle rose from where he'd dropped it before, moving to his palm - that much fine control would've been impressive at a time when he had the presence of mind to think about that. He handed it to Theron. "Mmm. As much as I'd like to help," he murmured, glancing down at his hands, "I did not plan well enough for that." 

"Yeah, the fingernails are a no-go. You just get... get your part ready. I can... I can do this." Although there wasn't much he could do to prepare himself for, well, _that._ He just had to do what he could - which he did, probably more quickly than he'd ever done in his life. He didn't spare many glances at Totiuti carefully stroking and arranging his own manhood, mostly because he had a feeling that if he did, he wouldn't be able to look away. "There," he said quietly, after what felt like entirely too much fumbling. He was already half-hard again, which was way too soon for him - he poured a bit more of the slick oil onto his clean hand, just in case he needed it. Which it looked like he would, weird as that was. Had to be the pheromones. "Ready when you are." 

"As it should be." The Sith's hands moved down to grasp Theron's hips, moving him just a bit. Theron spread his legs, lifting them up to rest his ankles on the Sith's broad shoulders. The tip of his erection was just shy of slipping inside of him, and he couldn't help but squirm. He did not remember the last time he'd been this hungry for it. Maybe when he was a teenager... no, not even then. 

Just before he could open his mouth to say - well, he didn't know, another wisecrack, he was good at those - the Sith's hips shifted, and he could feel the ridges along his member sliding inside of him, one after the other. He gritted his teeth, grunting, shifting his weight - he hadn't realized how it would feel, the changes in size from wider to narrower to wider again, stroking places that he didn't know could feel anything. He just threw his head back, breathing hard, doing his best to relax for it - definitely bigger than he'd had in a while, but it felt amazing. He was all the way in - he could feel him pressed against his ass, felt the base of his cock throbbing - he's in deep, so deep, and it's all he could think about, the heat and the pulsing, the smell that felt like it was seeping into his pores. He might've tried to stay something else but he couldn't form a coherent sentence, not just then. He reached up with his mostly-clean hand, the one he'd poured the lube into, wrapping it around his half-erect member, feeling it start to stiffen against all odds - it was _not_ usually like that, usually he'd take hours to get back up but this was just... wow. 

"Yes," he heard Totiuti say as he shifted his weight, starting to thrust quickly in and out. "Theron, yes, I've... _wanted..._ " 

He couldn't answer, just moaned as the big Sith drove into him again and again, his body shaking hard. Time didn't feel like it meant anything, just sensation, pleasure, over and over again. It was so hard for him to relax and enjoy things, but right at that moment it was all that he could do, all he wanted to do. 

He had no idea how long they were like that, being driven into over and over again on that desk, the robe soft against his back - he just remembered coming again hard, this time all over his own stomach, groaning through his teeth as Totiuti picked up the pace. It didn't take long before he froze too, straining against him, grunting and gritting his unreasonably sharp teeth as he came. He was going to have bruises on his hips, he thought distantly as they both started to come down, catching his breath. 

They stayed still for a while, before Totiuti finally pulled out of him, setting him down. He was just... looming over him, breathing hard, looking like he was about to fall over. "Hey," Theron managed, shifting his weight - he was going to be sore in the morning, he knew it - and trying to sit up. "We... if we're gonna pass out... we oughta do it over there." He made a small gesture in the direction of the bed.

"Mmm. Yes. Just let... let me..."

"Sure. Right." Theron was panting as he managed to move one leg to the side, trying to stand up - and failing, the first time, his legs were exhausted. Totiuti was fumbling about a bit - Theron didn't watch but he could hear something dropping into the little garbage can by the desk, so he could guess. He grabbed the robe, patting himself dry - hopefully the Sith wouldn't mind, it was going to needed to be washed anyway. He'd definitely need another shower soon, he thought, keeping himself upright with the help of the desk. "Okay," he says, after a few minutes, "c'mon. Bed."

Totiuti did not try to pick him up that time. Whatever had gotten into him, it had wiped him out as much as he'd wiped Theron out just then. He made it over, but mostly because the bed wasn't that far. He did apparently have the presence of mind to pull the covers down before he fell into the bed, grabbing at Theron and pulling insistently at him. 

"Didn't - whew - didn't figure you for a cuddly type," he said, lying next to him. He was sore and sticky and knew he was going to be paying for this whenever they woke up, but hey, he was still enjoying himself for the moment. 

The Sith, apparently half-asleep already, responded by grinning and wrapping one arm around him. Theron was already feeling tired too - the smell was still there but different, not so strong and maybe a bit less bitter? He didn't know how to describe it but he was still pretty sure it was pheromones and at the moment he still wasn't going to complain. He definitely needed the rest. Distantly he thought maybe he should let Lana know that they were okay, but he really didn't feel like that at the moment, he decided. She could wait. They could all wait....

It didn't take them long to drift off, Theron's head resting against Totiuti's muscular, ridged chest.

\---

Theron woke up slowly, curled up under the covers in an unfamiliar bed. Not that he had a familiar bed, these days. He yawned, wondering absently why he hadn't woken up to another alert. That had been his life in the past few months.

The memories of what he'd just done were there, and he... wasn't sure he believed them. Not until he stretched and felt the scratches tug at his skin, at least. Yep. That had all happened. He shook his head to clear it, reaching to the side. He'd fallen asleep with the Sith, but he wasn't there. "Mmmh," he grunted, trying to get out of the bed. It was bigger than he was used to - it took him a few tries.

"Theron?" 

Oh. So he hadn't walked out on him. That... made him feel better than he expected. "Hey," he says. "You look... good. Didn't know if you were gonna stick around..."

Totiuti tilted his head, an amused smile on his face. He was wearing his briefs again - no marks Theron could see. He should've left him with a few, he thought idly, but at the time he'd been having too much fun to think about it. "You were sleeping more deeply than I expected, and I did not wish to wake you," he admitted. "So I went to clean up and let you sleep." 

"Huh... thanks. That might've been the best sleep I've had in a while." He managed a stretch - yeah, he was definitely sore. Wouldn't be sitting down at the conference table for a while. Or doing much in the way of calisthenics. He'd need to wash off, put some antiseptics on the bites and scratches - can't risk infection, after all. Still totally worth it. "Among other things." 

"Good." He offered Theron a glass of something that turned out to be water. "Darth Marr contacted me while we were asleep. A brief message to come back to the conference table when I was done with my 'recuperation.' I should not keep him waiting, as much as I would rather stay and rest."

"Mmm. Yeah. Wouldn't want to keep him waiting either." He blinked momentarily, then pressed one hand to the side of his head, making a quick check. One message for him - Lana asking if he was all right and telling him about another opportunity for intelligence, at his convenience. Nothing from his mother, thank goodness. "Well... we both have things to do, I guess," he said, disappointed.

"Indeed. A great many things." He looked away, his red eyes half-lidded as he went through a drawer, pulling out a bodysuit. He sounded... almost as disappointed as Theron did.

Looked like it was time. Theron stood up, waiting a few minutes to make sure his legs weren't too sore to support his weight, to regain his balance. He went to start gathering up his clothes, threw them into a pile on the bed, then turned back. "Well. You... want me to get dressed and leave now while you're getting ready? Or should I take another shower first, and head out after? I have a stealth generator." 

That made Totiuti look back at him, blinking. "Theron... I do not want you to think I am ashamed of what we have done."

"I believe you." And he did, somehow. It was weird - maybe he should've been, considering how things had happened, but he wasn't. He felt good, really good. It was the first time he'd done something he wanted in... he didn't know how long. "It's not that I'm ashamed either, it's just... well. The circumstances. If you and I get too friendly, considering who we are, I'm... worried. I'm just a disgraced former spy, but..." 

"...but I could be punished for associating too closely with the Republic. _Former_ spy or not." He was silent for a long moment, looking at the armor in front of him, then shook his head. "You can stay for a shower, of course," he says quietly. "I will be sure my crew does not return until you are gone. It would be best to... to avoid misunderstandings."

"Yeah." He had a lump in his throat, a bad one. But... he was right, of course. They both knew it. Couldn't just... pretend they weren't on opposite sides of this thing, or would be, once they got the current crisis under control. 

He didn't notice that Totiuti was approaching him until he was almost on top of him - so much for staying alert. The fear rose again, just for a moment, reminding him it was still there. But all the Sith did was wrap his arms around him, and he felt the tendrils brush his head when he leaned down to kiss him. "I'm glad you... you came by to check up on me," he said. "I appreciate that." 

"You're welcome," he said, hugging him back. "Sorry it's... the way it is now."

"If I thought that you would ever be able to leave the Republic behind, my offer would still be open. But... I know you'd never consider it."

"Yeah." He couldn't add any more to that. His fault, really. Even now he could feel the bit of fear in the back of his mind. Even while he was being kind, the potential always seemed to be there, in the back of his mind. "I didn't think it'd be like... this," he admitted, his breath ragged. Somehow this hurt more than the roughness, and he thought about saying something - he'd appreciate the irony if nothing else. But admitting it felt like it would be worse.

"Hm." He hums slightly under his breath. "Play a role for long enough, and you start to look for times you can stop playing, or you go mad and lose yourself. I suppose I would still prefer not to let my role not become the whole of my self, as Darth Marr has. For better or for worse."

He nods slowly. "I want to say something, but... I'm not good at this. I'm going to take that shower... let you go meet with him." 

"All right." He pulled away and turned his head, looking away. "Strength to you, Theron." 

"Thanks... I think we all need it."

The shower was where he remembered it, at least. Spent too much time standing there, the scratches and bites throbbing under the hot water, trying to figure out what in the world his brain and his heart were _doing_ to him. He knew better than this. Hide everything, remember? He was just being stubborn, tired of hiding things. Maybe it was because he'd gotten a taste of what it was like to be a pawn again. Or maybe he was just getting too old and tired for this - it happened with agents better than him.

Still. He had to keep it together if his ancestor wasn't going to try to destroy the universe.

He finished the shower, put on his clothes - they smelled like sex but he didn't usually get close enough to people for them to notice, anyway. No one was there, as the Sith had promised. He turned on the generator anyway and slipped out of the Fury, not seeing anyone around to wonder why his door was opening. Lana had kept her promise. Maybe all of this had been meant as an apology... he wasn't sure if it was a gift or a subtle form of torture, what was happening between them. And the crazy part was, he was pretty sure that the giant scary Sith that he'd just slept with felt the same way.

He looked up at the sky. Plenty of daylight left... no more rest for him. He shook his head - a sigh might've alerted the wildlife - and went to find Lana. The people they were fighting... they weren't going to wait for him to get his head back in the game. He'd have to step it up.


End file.
